Dirty Red Commie

Last night, I guess I forgot to lock my car.  Apparently you noticed this while doing your rounds, and took the opportunity to take some of my belongings.

 To my knowledge, you took the following:

• A sealed cardboard box.
• A CD containing a recording of my weekly radio show.

But for some reason, you left these things behind:

• A case containing more than 100 cds.
• A 350-Watt power inverter.
• A digital camera.
• A really cool hat.
• An inflatable bed.
• A Forever Flashlight

Instead of taking these things, you took the mystery box.  I know the mystery box is tempting, but if you've ever watched any game shows at all, you should know the prime mystery box rule: Don't take the mystery box.  You're now the proud owner of one completely non-functional Western Digital Caviar Hard Drive (250GB).  It didn't work, so I was going to return it.  They've already sent me the replacement, so you just saved me the cost of shipping.

Congratulations, asshole.  You probably took the two least valuable things in my car next to the bag of trash.  

Now, I see you gave a little thought to taking my stereo deck.  (Thanks for leaving that bit of plastic trim behind, by the way.)  But it's best you left it.  They're only going for about $20 on ebay without the activation code.  Though, I guess it's worth more than anything else you took.

Maybe you're just new at this.  Perhaps this was your first time, and you haven't yet developed that sharp intuitive sense of what is valuable and what is garbage.  But then again, if you don't think a digital camera is worth the effort of closing your fist, maybe you're just not meant for this line of work.  I'd wish you better luck next time, but really I just hope you get your balls caught on some barbed wire. 

 Sincerely,

    Ben